dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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