Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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