Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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