i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
