Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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