My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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