I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
