At least make sure they are 18
Why
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
