omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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