The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
