Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
