my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
