Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
