Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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