I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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