i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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