I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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