At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
