It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
