??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
