life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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