After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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