there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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