i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
