carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
