Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
