Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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