the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize