She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
