I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
