Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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