the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
