Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
