Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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