im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
