dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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