Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
