mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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