so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
