I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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