I have demons in me.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
