If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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