Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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