she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
