I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
