Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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