i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just cropdusted the office
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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