she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
