Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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