I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
